Today I am ... totes amaze, babes

Photo credit: Channel 4

Yes! The ultimate guilty pleasure, Made in Chelsea, is back on our screens. Your one and only source into the scandalous lives of Chelsea's elite, to borrow from a famous fictional blogger.

Some initial observations... Proudlock, who bears an increasingly striking resemblance to Princess Di, appears to be sporting some sort of special church earring. Hugo's underwear model 'girlfriend' is alarmingly vacant, even next to Millie (who I am very fond of).

What I love most about Made in Chelsea is that this is accessible escapism -  living a just a 2 minute (chauffer driven) ride over the river from the motherland of The Kings Road, it's all too tempting to find myself wandering into the 'set' in between episodes to get my fix. Maybe even playing M83's Midnight City on my headphones while walking around pensively and flicking my hair, waiting for enemies and exes to 'coincidentally' walk by.

Photo credit: homesandproperty.co.uk

Seeing cast members seems to be a rite of passage for anyone living in South West London, but me being blind as a bat and having taken an aversion to my glasses, I seem to be the only one who has failed to spot any of them in person. Word on the (Sloane) street is that my personal favourites Jamie and Ollie are surprisingly small...

There is however one character in particular who, until last night's episode, I have found myself strangely drawn to and have been especially keen to spot, since he was promoted to the number 1 in my weird crush list... the one and only Francis Boulle. Since moving to London, I have on odd occasions unwittingly found myself in Public and Boujis, but somehow the bumbling, skateboarding, ginger extraordinaire has managed to elude me so far.

I don't know if it's the cutting wit ("I am edgy. I have lots of...edges") or the dashing looks and large hands, as seen in his now infamous portrait.

Image credit: CarolinedePeyrecave.co.uk

After getting through three quarters of last night's episode, and the awkwardly sexy CEO of Boulle Enterprises still nowhere to be seen, he finally materialises at Gabilicious's boob reduction party. But any momentary joy is swiftly shattered when he utters the words: "I prefer small boobs. Everyone should get a boob reduction."

Oh Francis. Disheartened and looking down at my 34E's, I realise we are not destined for one another after all. Your loss Boulle, I'm setting my sights on another posh ginger. ACTUAL Prince Harry was spotted crossing the Chelsea threshold this weekend, staggering out of a bar at the top of my road in Battersea and dancing in the street. (How long til Hazza pops up in Made in Chelsea? Make this happen!)

With the most eligible man in Britain wandering around my neighbourhood at 3am, princesshood doesn't seem quite so elusive... as long as he's not another bottom man.