Sunday, May 20, 2012

Today I am ... Katy Perry

Image from
Inspired by Francis Boulle's recent 'What would Jesus do?' pep talk on Made in Chelsea, I realised that a lot of problems in life could be resolved with this alternative mantra - what would Katy Perry do?

True, the American Christians might have disowned her, she's not the world's best singer and not all of her decisions have ended brilliantly (I'm still rooting for a reunion with Russell). But to me, Katy Perry is like a modern-day Spice Girl and/or real-life Wonder Woman, so I think you could certainly do a lot worse than channelling your inner K-Pez when facing life's ups and downs.

Case in point: Katy's Sesame Street appearance was sensationally pulled from the show after her cleavage was deemed too prominent by the boob police. How does Katy react? Not by hiding away, apologising or kicking off on Twitter, but to laugh it off by appearing on Saturday Night Live in a snug, boob-faced Elmo t-shirt.

Image from
Image from
Boy or girl, old or young, I think at times we could all do with putting on an imaginary Katy Perry wig and adopting some of her trademark confidence and humour.

What would Katy Perry do...?

After a rubbish week at work


Last Friday Night (TGIF), from
If, at 5pm on a Friday, you find yourself making excuses to go straight home and lament your terrible day, think of Katy Perry's immortal words: 'TGIF.'

You're only young once, and Katy knows that what you really need is an awesome college-style 'pardy' to see the week off in style. After you've been kicked out of the bars, go streaking in the park and skinny dipping in the dark... Then do it all again.

When you're hungover

10am, the following morning. Is there a pounding in your head? A stranger in your bed? Glitter all over the room?

Well, stop complaining. Katy is hardcore. Halfway through a recent concert she became ill, having to be sick repeatedly offstage between songs and then getting back out there in front of tens of thousands of people.

This particular incident wasn't self-inflicted, but if you've ever had to pretend you're not hungover, you'll know how she felt.

But, as Katy would say, 'Shut up and put your money where your mouth is, that's what you get for waking up in Vegas'. In British, this roughly translates as heave yourself out of bed, have a shower, cup of tea and a fry-up and then get back on it.

After a career setback

Katy erupts into a Firework in the official video. From

Katy had it spot on when she compared those days of self-doubt with feeling 'like a plastic bag blowing in the wind'. With metaphor-tastic Firework, she gave us the ultimate self-empowerment anthem which has the ability to extinguish any trace of insecurity.

KP was nearly dropped by her record label and dubbed a one hit wonder after her subsequent singles failed to replicate the success of I Kissed a Girl, but she bounced back to release a relentless stream of monster hit singles which saw her arguably surpass even her co-members in the holy trinity of girl pop, Lady Gaga and Rihanna.

So when the chips are down, you'd never catch Katy Perry calling herself a failure. Just belt out 'Baby you're a firework' and remember there's still a spark in you somewhere - you've just got to find and ignite it, and you too shall be the comeback queen (or king).

When you fall in love with a bad boy?

Part of Me, Katy Perry. From
There's no place for neuroses in the school of WWKPD. If you find yourself with a Russell Brand character, don't torture yourself thinking about their past - follow Katy's example and chill out, have fun, be yourself and enjoy the ride for as long as it lasts. Realising he's met his match, he'll soon be declaring his love from the rooftops and planning a romantic Indian wedding involving elephants.

After the inevitable break up with said bad boy (sorry), look once again to Katy Perry if you want a masterclass on how to emerge with all your sparkle intact.

Instead of the reliable combo of wine, ice cream and tears, Katy's first move after her break up with Russell was to hack her hair off and join the Marines in the video for Part of Me (possibly my worst nightmare). In real life she dyed her trademark black hair into an ever-changing rainbow of pastel shades.

Either way, an empowering hair-related gesture seems to be the running theme.

And once it's off your chest, it certainly doesn't do any harm to be innocently 'spotted' in the loving arms of the Florence + the Machine guitarist.

A final point...

No-one can quite decide if Katy Perry is a feminist heroine or villainess; there's no doubting that she trades in sexuality - but I'd argue that there's a big difference between a baby-oiled, surgically enhanced glamour model on a beach and Katy Perry's unique, unashamed brand of fun, camp, girl-friendly sexual confidence.

If Katy's videos were purely about titillating men, I'm not sure she'd have the global army of female fans who want to be her 'BFF'.

It's because, contrary to popular belief, most girls don't object to another girl being hot - it is the homogeneity of what's deemed to be sexy, and girls who dress to fit that mould rather than for themselves, that is annoying. Unlike many others, Katy is (gasp) pale, voluptuous, and appears to be in control of her image, using her outlandish costumes to pay tribute to whatever she fancies, be it burlesque pin-ups, hippies, cowgirls, goths, superheroes or baked goods.

Whatever she wears or does, it seems to be because she's having fun and wants to be wearing or doing it - and it shows.

Katy once said: "Honey, I am the chief of my train. If critics want to hop on board, fantastic. There's plenty of room. The KP train is fun."  I'm not entirely sure what that means, but I think I'll take a one-way ticket aboard the KP train.


  1. Sounds good. How do I become a woman?

    I'm just going to have to stick to William Shatner for now I guess..

  2. Wasn't sure who he was - just Googled and discovered he's in Miss Congeniality (knew he looked familiar). An obvious choice in role model... :)